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Friday, August 25, 2006

Suckiest Bunch of Sucks Who Ever Sucked

Saw that we managed to blow it against the lowly Pirates last night. True to form, Magic Aubrey Rodriguez breezed along for several innings before once again giving up the dreaded big inning. Nursing a 3-2 lead, he heroically loaded the bases with only one out. Gar[d]ner called upon stud reliever Chad Qualls to get him out of the jam.

Qualls allowed all of the inherited baserunners to score. His pitching line, of course, looks pretty nifty: 1.2 IP, 2 Hits, 1 Walk, 1 Strikeout, 0 Earned Runs. Brav-o. *slow clap*

It turns out that Carlos Lee changed his mind: he's not hiring Scott Boras, after all. Keep in mind, however, that he didn't need Boras around to advise him to reject a four-year, $48 million dollar offer from the Brewers. He wanted 5 years and $15 Mil. Expect that number to jump in free agency. We still probably won't spend the money to get him.

So we shouldn't expect a huge offensive upgrade next year. Whee!

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Texans Astros Lose by Two Touchdowns

Reds 14, Astros zero.


From the Astros' point of view, this thing was a complete wash starting in the second inning. This less-than-mediocre, impotent, woeful, dreadful offense had absolutely no chance of coming back from a 4-0 second inning deficit, let alone the 12-0 hole they found themselves in after only the third inning.

And, unfortunately... they knew it. It's a pretty common occurrence where a team gets a huge early lead, and their pitchers relax a little bit such that the other team often puts up a bunch of runs, too.

Not this bunch of losers, though. They freaking gave up. Just like they've given up on this entire season. If ever there were an easy playoff spot to be had, it's the wild card in this mediocre National League. This is probably the worst the National League has ever been, and the "reigning" NL champions can't even get to freaking .500. Collapstros. They won't, either.

Four hits tonight. Total.

I'd make a bunch of suggestions about what the Astros need to do, but seriously... what's the point? They don't care. They're just playing out the string.

Carlos Lee?

Fresh off the heels of speculating that Carlos Lee is not likely to end up in an Astros jersey next season, I happened to run across Richard Justice's blog. Justice suggested that Carlos Lee has "apparently" hired Scott Boras as his client.

Wikipedia confirms that the rumor is true: Scott Boras is Carlos Lee's agent.

Raise your hand if you want the Astros to be hamstrung in their roster re-building by yet another stupid protracted negotiation with the Dark Prince of All That is Evil and Unholy again. I guarantee you that Uncle Drayton won't be terribly interested in dealing with him again.

So scratch somebody else off of the list of available, and intruiging, free agents whom we might approach.


I'd said before the Cincinnati series began that--to remain a viable wild-card contender--we would need to sweep the Reds. My rationale was that, at the start of the series, we were FIVE games back with 37 to go. Winning two of three picks up only ONE game on the Reds, leaving us FOUR back with only 34 to go. The number of teams ahead of us in the wild-card standings makes picking up that much ground--while holding off the other teams ahead of us--improbable at best. A sweep, however, puts us only TWO games back.

Well, hell. After last night's debacle, there go our chances for a sweep. I can still confidently predict, however, the following:

The Astros Will Be Playing Baseball in October.

Please allow me to expound on that statement slightly. I didn't say that we'll be playing "Playoff Baseball" in October. I noticed, however, that the Astros end the regular season in Atlanta on October 1st. Technically, then, we'll be playing baseball in October. Unless we forfeit.

I'd almost prefer a forfeit to crap like last night's game. Our offense once again blew chunks, managing three runs only because Huff and Berkman went yard three times. I could say that our offense was efficient, as we scored EVERYBODY who made it into scoring position. Unfortunately, zero Astros actually got into scoring position, so 0-for-0 isn't that impressive a statistic.

I could also blame the loss on Qualls for his wretched performance last night. But what's the point? This time flat-out sucks. The only reason we've even been mentioning the word "playoffs" this deep into the season is because the rest of the National League also sucks. We're seven games below .500. We just don't deserve to make the playoffs. This is precisely why I was wishing that we had treated the trade deadline as though we were sellers, not buyers.

I also don't hold out a lot of hope for offseason improvement, either. Clemens is probably gone, this time for good. Pettitte? Am I to get excited about the prospects of re-signing him? He pitches well only if his bosom buddy Fat Rog is also in pinstripes, so we could reasonably expect him to do next year what he did in the first half this year--SUCK.

The free agent class? Presumably, it includes not much more than Carlos Lee and Barry Bonds. While Lee would be a swell pickup and all, there will clearly be a lot of suitors for his services... and what makes us think that he'll want to come here?

Hey, on the bright side, I'm catching an unbelievably early-morning flight to Cincy tomorrow so that I can personally witness the end of the Astros' season in Great American Bandbox. WHEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!