Introducing... HR Huff 'n Stuff

*clears throat* With apologies to the original lyrics writer, and props to Deadspin for coming up with the nickname:

H.R. Huff 'n Stuff,
Who's your friend when things get rough?
H.R. Huff 'n Stuff
He may not do a lot, but he may do just enough.

Once upon a summertime
Just a dream from yesterday
A fan and his magic pocketbook
Heard a promise from Drayton McLay... ne.
"Come and pay me, Shafty
Come and pay me.
And our boys will win the Series,
This I guarantee."

But Drayton's lineup was in disarray,
His sole acquisition was Special K.
From his office in the sky
He watched his offense fail to materialize.
He waved his wand,
Gary Gaetti was gone.
The skies grew dark
The outcome looked rough
And Ensberg sucked on and on and on and on and on and on.

But Huff 'n Stuff was watching too
And knew exactly what to do
He saw the team's offense go flat,
So he summoned his mighty home run bat.
I'm growing tired of this exercise,
And this is beginning to bore us.
No more rhymes can I devise,
So can we finally get to the chorus?

I guess one more verse is necessary,
This, I think, is called the "bridge."
Let's tar and feather Barry,
And then trade away Brad Lidge.

H.R. Huff 'n Stuff,
Who's your friend when things get rough?
H.R. Huff 'n Stuff
He may not do a lot, but he may do just enough.

H.R. Huff 'n Stuff,
Who's your friend when things get rough?
H.R. Huff 'n Stuff
He may not do a lot, but he may do just enough.

Damn, that just seemed like so much better of an idea when I started the whole thing.