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Tuesday, June 20, 2006

The Officially Unofficial Nickname Dictionary

At some point, we will enlighten the masses (i.e., all two of you/us who read this blog) with an explanation and possible dictionary of our made-up language, FEnglish (Fake English). Until then, we thought it’d be fun to give you a running list of MLB Nicknames that we have created, starting with our beloved Disastros and in no particular order thereafter:

Disastros = Houston Astros

The Magnet/Coin Flip = Taylor Buchholz, The Mole = Brad Lidge, Roy Harvey = Roy Oswalt, Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel (“Cletus”) = Andy Pettitte, Magic Wandy/Not-So-Magic Wandy = Wandy Rodriguez, Potato Chips = Russ Springer, Wheels = Dan Wheeler, Fat Lance/Fat Elvis/Big Puma = Lance Berkman, The Bidge/Beege = Craig Biggio, The Vortex/Mo = Morgan Ensberg, Private Mendoza/Pfc. Mendoza/Lanedoza = Jason Lane, Special K/K-Dawg/PW/P-Dub/PK/Skull Cap/Press'n = Preston Wilson, Willy T = Willy Taveras, Trev-ER/Mill-ER = Trever Miller, Does-Adam-Ever-Hit = Adam Everett, Assmunch/Suckmus = Brad Ausmus, Lambo/The Bomber = Mike Lamb

Satanic Red Fowl = St. Louis Cardinals

Hermaphrodite = Yadier Molina, Jimmy = Jim Edmonds, Doesn’t Exist/StL OF = So Taguchi, Poo-Holes/Albert = Albert Pujols, Eyeliner = John Rodriguez, Frying Pan = Anthony Reyes, The Pest = David Eckstein, Who? = Chris Duncan

Baby Bears = Chicago Cubs

Corky = Sean Marshall, Corky II/Cry Baby = Greg Maddux, When Healthy/DL/Shadows of Their Former Selves ("Shadows") = Mark Prior/Kerry Wood, Crazy Carlos/Señor Smug/Cra-ZEE/”Big” Zee/Wrist Action = Carlos Zambrano, Marty = Michael Barrett, Him-Roid/Roid Nevin = Phil Nevin, Nefertiti = Neifi Perez, E-ramis/Error-Miss = Aramis Ramirez, Jac-QUE = Jacque Jones, Perpetual Enemy #1 = John Mabry

The Brew Crew = Milwaukee Brewers

Slob/Jeremy/Turnblow = Derrick Turnbow, Redneck/Wife-Beater = Geoff Jenkins, Undetectable = Carlos Lee


The Giants = SF Giants

Barroid/Cheater = Barry Bonds

*sigh* The Braves = Atlanta Braves

Wilson Betemit = Wilson Betemit, Larry = Chipper Jones, Perpetual Enemy #2 = Edgar Renteria, AndRoid = Andruw Jones

Playoff Dodgers = LA Dodgers
No-MAAAH = Nomar Garciaparra, DWI/Furcalcohol = Rafael Furcal, Pornstache/Traitor = Jeff Kent, J.D. Droid/Punk/Perpetual Enemy #5 = J.D. Drew, I Hate That Guy = Kenny Lofton

Enemy of 1998 = San Diego Padres

Pert Commercial/Pretty Boy/First Baseman = Mike Piazza, Not-So-Young = Eric Young

America’s Best Bought Team = New York Yankees

The Farns = Kyle Farnsworth, Cheater II/Giambroid = Jason Giambi, Jeeter = Derek Jeter
gAy-Rod/Roidriguez = Alex Rodriguez, Passion of the Center Fielder/Johnny of Nazareth/CromagJohn = Johnny Damon

ESPN = Boston Red Sox

Suckett/One-Pump-Chump = Josh Beckett, Wickets = Alex Gonzalez, Manny/Man-Ram/Man-Roid = Manny Ramirez, Big Papi/Roidtiz = David Ortiz

White Sux = Chicago White Sox
(“Win, or Die Trying.” Then just die.)

Punkzynski/A.J./Peeeerzynski/Seeing Eye Chart I = A.J. Pierzynski, Roidsednik/Punksednik/Scotty = Scott Podsednik, DyeRoid = Jermaine Dye... We hate the whole team, so any of them could be White Sux.

Cellar Dwellers = Kansas City Royals

Suckworth = Brandon Duckworth, Gabor = Paul Bako, Perpetual Enemy #3 = Mark Grudzielanek, White Trash/Ex-Con/Parolee/Seeing Eye Chart II = Doug Mientkiewicz, Mark = David DeJesus, Perpetual Enemy #4 = Reggie Sanders, Road Dawg = Matt Stairs

I’m sure there are or will be plenty more, but this will get you started. Enjoy!

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

you would be surprised about how many people actually call Bonds "Barroid" lol

6:16 PM  

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