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Tuesday, June 20, 2006

The Officially Unofficial Nickname Dictionary

At some point, we will enlighten the masses (i.e., all two of you/us who read this blog) with an explanation and possible dictionary of our made-up language, FEnglish (Fake English). Until then, we thought it’d be fun to give you a running list of MLB Nicknames that we have created, starting with our beloved Disastros and in no particular order thereafter:

Disastros = Houston Astros

The Magnet/Coin Flip = Taylor Buchholz, The Mole = Brad Lidge, Roy Harvey = Roy Oswalt, Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel (“Cletus”) = Andy Pettitte, Magic Wandy/Not-So-Magic Wandy = Wandy Rodriguez, Potato Chips = Russ Springer, Wheels = Dan Wheeler, Fat Lance/Fat Elvis/Big Puma = Lance Berkman, The Bidge/Beege = Craig Biggio, The Vortex/Mo = Morgan Ensberg, Private Mendoza/Pfc. Mendoza/Lanedoza = Jason Lane, Special K/K-Dawg/PW/P-Dub/PK/Skull Cap/Press'n = Preston Wilson, Willy T = Willy Taveras, Trev-ER/Mill-ER = Trever Miller, Does-Adam-Ever-Hit = Adam Everett, Assmunch/Suckmus = Brad Ausmus, Lambo/The Bomber = Mike Lamb

Satanic Red Fowl = St. Louis Cardinals

Hermaphrodite = Yadier Molina, Jimmy = Jim Edmonds, Doesn’t Exist/StL OF = So Taguchi, Poo-Holes/Albert = Albert Pujols, Eyeliner = John Rodriguez, Frying Pan = Anthony Reyes, The Pest = David Eckstein, Who? = Chris Duncan

Baby Bears = Chicago Cubs

Corky = Sean Marshall, Corky II/Cry Baby = Greg Maddux, When Healthy/DL/Shadows of Their Former Selves ("Shadows") = Mark Prior/Kerry Wood, Crazy Carlos/Señor Smug/Cra-ZEE/”Big” Zee/Wrist Action = Carlos Zambrano, Marty = Michael Barrett, Him-Roid/Roid Nevin = Phil Nevin, Nefertiti = Neifi Perez, E-ramis/Error-Miss = Aramis Ramirez, Jac-QUE = Jacque Jones, Perpetual Enemy #1 = John Mabry

The Brew Crew = Milwaukee Brewers

Slob/Jeremy/Turnblow = Derrick Turnbow, Redneck/Wife-Beater = Geoff Jenkins, Undetectable = Carlos Lee

The Giants = SF Giants

Barroid/Cheater = Barry Bonds

*sigh* The Braves = Atlanta Braves

Wilson Betemit = Wilson Betemit, Larry = Chipper Jones, Perpetual Enemy #2 = Edgar Renteria, AndRoid = Andruw Jones

Playoff Dodgers = LA Dodgers
No-MAAAH = Nomar Garciaparra, DWI/Furcalcohol = Rafael Furcal, Pornstache/Traitor = Jeff Kent, J.D. Droid/Punk/Perpetual Enemy #5 = J.D. Drew, I Hate That Guy = Kenny Lofton

Enemy of 1998 = San Diego Padres

Pert Commercial/Pretty Boy/First Baseman = Mike Piazza, Not-So-Young = Eric Young

America’s Best Bought Team = New York Yankees

The Farns = Kyle Farnsworth, Cheater II/Giambroid = Jason Giambi, Jeeter = Derek Jeter
gAy-Rod/Roidriguez = Alex Rodriguez, Passion of the Center Fielder/Johnny of Nazareth/CromagJohn = Johnny Damon

ESPN = Boston Red Sox

Suckett/One-Pump-Chump = Josh Beckett, Wickets = Alex Gonzalez, Manny/Man-Ram/Man-Roid = Manny Ramirez, Big Papi/Roidtiz = David Ortiz

White Sux = Chicago White Sox
(“Win, or Die Trying.” Then just die.)

Punkzynski/A.J./Peeeerzynski/Seeing Eye Chart I = A.J. Pierzynski, Roidsednik/Punksednik/Scotty = Scott Podsednik, DyeRoid = Jermaine Dye... We hate the whole team, so any of them could be White Sux.

Cellar Dwellers = Kansas City Royals

Suckworth = Brandon Duckworth, Gabor = Paul Bako, Perpetual Enemy #3 = Mark Grudzielanek, White Trash/Ex-Con/Parolee/Seeing Eye Chart II = Doug Mientkiewicz, Mark = David DeJesus, Perpetual Enemy #4 = Reggie Sanders, Road Dawg = Matt Stairs

I’m sure there are or will be plenty more, but this will get you started. Enjoy!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

you would be surprised about how many people actually call Bonds "Barroid" lol

6:16 PM  

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